Giving Yourself Permission

My last real post to this blog was over a month ago.  (In “mommy time” that was about ten minutes ago). 

 Back in mid September I had a little pow wow between me, my rocks, and God and we all agreed there were some new rocks that needed to be a part of my life.  I needed to learn how to make them a part of my life. 

Around that time a friend of mine and I had a conversation about homeschooling.  The dilemma went something like this:  she had a certain curriculum she was using or a way she was using it, and it just felt like she was hitting her head against a wall every day.  Yet she wasn’t sure what to do.  She just couldn’t pull herself away from that way of doing things even though it was driving her crazy.

Have you ever felt that way about something?  You have a routine, an expectation of yourself, or your kids and spouse for that matter, an idea….insert whatever applies to you.  You know it is not working.  In fact, it could be making you a bit grouchy, frustrated, unhappy with yourself.  Yet you keep doing it that way. 

There was a  scene in the beginning of a movie called “Mr. Mom” when he is taking his child to school for the first time.  For those of you who haven’t seen it the premise in a nutshell is that he lost his job, his wife had found a job with which to support them and he was “temporarily” taking over her responsibilities.

So he is taking his child to school for the first time and he being the newbie doesn’t know there is a system to entering and leaving the school parking lot to drop your kids off.  His child is yelling at his dad from the back seat, “Dad you’re doing it wrong!  Dad you’re doing it wrong! ”  And Michael Keaton, in his famous sarcastic tone replies, “I’ll show them who’s doing it wrong.” 

 Not surprisingly the crossing guard lady (who is a friend of his wife and knew this was coming ) stops him, knocks on his driver side window, he rolls it down and she says with a big smile, ” Jack….You’re doing it wrong.”  As she is telling him this the other drivers are yelling at him, honking horns and calling him a “moron”. 

What a wonderfully supportive world we live in.

Back to my friend.

One day she shared with her husband how she was extremely frustrated by the way things were working and his reply was,” Don’t do it that way anymore.  Do it a different way.”

I don’t remember how she felt about that.  I had to laugh because I have had a less than stellar response when my husband has tried to help me.  But then I got serious and the thought I had and shared with her was, “Isn’t it wonderful when someone gives us an out….gives us permission to stop the mania, the panic attack, the striving?” 

So many times I’ve needed my husband or a friend or an article I have read to do that for me. 

In the case of Mr. Mom, it was “You’re doing it wrong!”  A little harsh but it got the point across. 

What are you holding onto that is causing you frustration, a sense of defeat, or heart palpitations?

Maybe what you are holding onto with a white fisted grip is not working and you need someone to come along and say, “It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, a failure, a quitter if you change this.  You might find it to be a blessing to just LET GO. ”

Sometimes we need someone to give us the permission we just won’t give ourselves.  And that’s okay.  You need a loving community who will surround you, support you  as you run through this life in your high heels.  Have a conversation with someone who is trustworthy and gives good advice.  Take the burden off your back and examine together.

And some time soon you will have the opportunity to knock on the window of someone else’s heart and say, as you gently pry her fingers off that thing she is holding onto, “Let me help you give yourself permission to admit that you are doing it wrong for your life.  Let’s turn you around and find a new way for you to go about this.”

May I give you permission?


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Christa on October 27, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Love it…and I got a good laugh b/c I’ve done that so many times, too : )


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